This is an excerpt from yesterday's Grace to You broadcast that I really enjoyed. The whole message was good, but I liked these thoughts especially.
So the goal of parenting is to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The goal of parenting is not control. It's not to get them under control. It is not to produce in them socially commendable behavior. It is not to make them polite and respectful. It is not even to cause them to conduct themselves in a morally acceptable manner. It is not to make them obedient. It is not to give you as a parent something to be proud of. The goal of parenting is not to get them to perform for your approval. The goal of parenting is salvation and sanctification. The goal of parenting is to see your child saved from sin and its eternal wages and then to follow the path of sanctification.
Listen, any objective less than that is only behavior modification. The issue is the heart. And you have to understand that you have a sinner who is depraved to the very core, who needs salvation and forgiveness and sanctification. And you start by making that child aware of a sinful condition and the judgment of God. And as I told you before, you even make that child aware of an eternal hell. Don't just train your child to be self-controlled and learn to say no when wanting something. Train your child to understand temptation and resist it because the sins of greed and lust and selfishness and covetousness and indulgence dishonor God and pander a wicked heart. Punish for the sin but teach that the heart is the problem.
Sinful, unsaved, unsanctified children are ruled by the same exact desires that their larger counterparts are. Your children are ruled by lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and pride of life. They're selfish, self-centered and they want everything they can see...NOW.
Correct them not to satisfy the offended irritated frustrated parent, that's anger, that's vengeance, but to satisfy God who has been offended and God has not just been annoyed. And remind them that God who has been offended seeks a reconciliation with them through trust in Jesus Christ.
This is...this is the target of all parenting. It's the heart and it is salvation. This means reproof, rebuke, correction, the use of the rod but nonetheless consistently. We've talked about that. You never use the rod, listen now, you never use the rod as punishment for sin, that's not your job. You never use the rod as payment for sin. You use the rod as correction to avoid payment at the hands of God.
And the rod has a very important place. This week I received a beautiful little letter from a young boy in our congregation, eight or nine, named Stephen. This is what he wrote me. He gave me this last Sunday.
"Thank you for the birthday card." I sent him a birthday card as I do many of the children. "It was very nice of you to send me a card with your picture on it. I really liked your message on disciplining kids. One day while getting spanked my Dad broke his switch. A few days later I decided to make him a new switch. It ended up being bigger than I wanted it to be." I love that. "I wish every pastor would preach the Word like you do. Stephen." I think Stephen understands, don't you? What a sweet little guy to go make his father a switch.
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